Game 5: Cavaliers vs. the Washington Wizards
November 3, 2009

The following is my 5th game review.

My nephew and faithful reader Joe asked for my analysis of the Browns and their dismal 1-7 record. Aunt Louise is now going to BLOW THE LID OFF THE BROWNS. You won’t find this anywhere else!

First of all, let me say the really embarrassed party should be Buffalo, the only team to actually lose to these clowns.

My theory, after a day and a half of intense study, is this: no team could possibly play this badly, week after stinking week, unless something else entirely was going on here.

But what? Well, I believe the problem is…drum roll…ART MODELL. I just found out that yes, he IS still alive. Folks, you heard it here first.

Art must have something big on Randy Lerner, big enough to use for blackmail, probably something from Randy’s youth, when Art and Randy’s father were partners. Now Art is forcing Randy to make the Browns play as poorly as possible. It’s not enough to just lose, they need to look pathetic. Can you explain this season any other way?

Call Woodward and Bernstein on this one folks. My candidate for deep-throat: the elusive and invisible former GM, George Kokinis.

Art’s motive: revenge, a dish best served cold. And northeast Ohio is as cold as it gets.

What’s the solution? Aunt Louise has a solution, and here it is.

The buck should stop with Randy Lerner, the owner. He’s the one ultimately responsible for this mess, whether by blackmail or stupidity. Sources say he’s more interested in soccer anyway. Ten years of suffering should trigger some variation on eminent domain, and the city of Cleveland should take back the team and the stadium from Randy for one dollar. Or maybe less.

Mr. Webster defines eminent domain as "the right of the government to take private property...when in the best interest of the public...usually with compensation to the owner."

Call the press, call the mayor of Cleveland, call in the Dawgs. In the bye-week, we should all say bye-bye to Randy. Bye-bye.

That’s one solution. Readers, let’s hear your solutions, your ideas and comments on the Browns!

So, finally, here’s my review of the big game: the Cavs vs. the Wizards.

The Cavs had another slow start, down by as much as 18 points in the first quarter. They turned things around in the second half with a solid defense, plus they made a lot of baskets.

My MVP of the game: the fans. They were so into the game in the second half you couldn’t hear announcer Austin Carr.

Final score: Cavs 102, Bobcats 90.
Cumulative score: Cavs 476, Opponents 452.

Your comments are always well received.
Aunt Louise