Game 7: Cavaliers vs. the Knickerbockers
November 6, 2009

The following is my 7th game review.

Did the Cavs play better in game 7? You bet they did, shooting 54% for the game vs. 41% in game 6. The Cavs played the game the way I like it: get ahead early in the game and stay ahead! It allows the viewer to relax and just enjoy the game, maybe napping a little and catching a little Larry King at the half.

Was Lebron auditioning for the Knicks? I don’t think so, and I’ll tell you why. If Lebron leaves the Cavs next year, it will be for money AND to play on a winning team. And I don’t see the Knicks as a winning team; they’re just not that good.

Readers, please share your ideas on Lebron’s free agency. Look into your crystal balls and tell us what you see happening: will he stay with the Cavs, will he play for the Knicks, will be play for another team, will he quarterback for the Browns?

We’ll compare your predictions with reality this summer. Winner gets a jar of peanut butter (smooth or chunky) plus bragging rights!

My MVP of the game: I’ve got to give it to LBJ, the first time this season, with 33 points.

Final score: Cavs 100, Knicks 91.
Cumulative score: Cavs 576, Opponents 543.

Your comments are always well received.
Aunt Louise

Game 6: Cavaliers vs. the Bulls
November 5, 2009

The following is my 6th game review.

Embarrassed by the Browns? Now owner Randy Lerner is taking questions from the media only via e-mail. SI calls the Browns “the closest thing the NFL has to a daily soap opera”.

Here are my top 10 ways to deny your team’s the Cleveland Browns:
10. “I don’t believe the season has started yet.”
9. “I only go to the games for the beer.”
8. “Their record is 1 loss, 7 wins.”
7. “I paint my face like a dawg to scare the neighbors.”
6. “I only wear orange and brown colors because they’re slimming.”
5 “Art Modell moved the Browns to Baltimore 10 years ago!”
4. “I’m a foreign exchange student.”
3. “You must be thinking of the Cleveland Cavaliers.”
2. “I live 100 miles north of Columbus.” (quote from the mayor of Akron)

And the number one way to deny your team’s the Cleveland Browns:
“The Browns? I think that soap opera’s on NBC.”

My review of the big game: the Cavs vs. the Bulls:

This was not a pretty game. Slow, like the Cavs were playing knee-deep in peanut butter. The Cavs shot just 41%. And am I the only one who thinks Shaq and Z shouldn’t play at the same time, the two big guys just clog up the lanes to the basket?

My MVP of the game: Jiffy.

Final score: Cavs 85, Bulls 86.
Cumulative score: Cavs 561, Opponents 538.

Your comments are always well received.
Aunt Louise

Game 5: Cavaliers vs. the Washington Wizards
November 3, 2009

The following is my 5th game review.

My nephew and faithful reader Joe asked for my analysis of the Browns and their dismal 1-7 record. Aunt Louise is now going to BLOW THE LID OFF THE BROWNS. You won’t find this anywhere else!

First of all, let me say the really embarrassed party should be Buffalo, the only team to actually lose to these clowns.

My theory, after a day and a half of intense study, is this: no team could possibly play this badly, week after stinking week, unless something else entirely was going on here.

But what? Well, I believe the problem is…drum roll…ART MODELL. I just found out that yes, he IS still alive. Folks, you heard it here first.

Art must have something big on Randy Lerner, big enough to use for blackmail, probably something from Randy’s youth, when Art and Randy’s father were partners. Now Art is forcing Randy to make the Browns play as poorly as possible. It’s not enough to just lose, they need to look pathetic. Can you explain this season any other way?

Call Woodward and Bernstein on this one folks. My candidate for deep-throat: the elusive and invisible former GM, George Kokinis.

Art’s motive: revenge, a dish best served cold. And northeast Ohio is as cold as it gets.

What’s the solution? Aunt Louise has a solution, and here it is.

The buck should stop with Randy Lerner, the owner. He’s the one ultimately responsible for this mess, whether by blackmail or stupidity. Sources say he’s more interested in soccer anyway. Ten years of suffering should trigger some variation on eminent domain, and the city of Cleveland should take back the team and the stadium from Randy for one dollar. Or maybe less.

Mr. Webster defines eminent domain as "the right of the government to take private property...when in the best interest of the public...usually with compensation to the owner."

Call the press, call the mayor of Cleveland, call in the Dawgs. In the bye-week, we should all say bye-bye to Randy. Bye-bye.

That’s one solution. Readers, let’s hear your solutions, your ideas and comments on the Browns!

So, finally, here’s my review of the big game: the Cavs vs. the Wizards.

The Cavs had another slow start, down by as much as 18 points in the first quarter. They turned things around in the second half with a solid defense, plus they made a lot of baskets.

My MVP of the game: the fans. They were so into the game in the second half you couldn’t hear announcer Austin Carr.

Final score: Cavs 102, Bobcats 90.
Cumulative score: Cavs 476, Opponents 452.

Your comments are always well received.
Aunt Louise

Game 4: Cavaliers vs. the Charlotte Bobcats
October 31, 2009

The following is my 4th game review.

After my last blog, some of Aunt Louise’s single girlfriends called asking for Bernie Kosar’s phone number. (See the wifeless comment, Game 3). Well, I don’t have it, so stop asking. Besides, Bernie might be a little mad at me right now. (See the dishwasher comment, Game 3).

I’ve scored a little more information on Bernie’s possible return to the Browns. My sources say he’ll probably get a position in the “front” office, whatever that means. Since finance is obviously not his forte, let’s hope they don’t put him in charge of the accounting department.

That good-looking quarterback Brett Favre came back from retirement, should Bernie? Although Bernie says he’s broken every bone in his body at least once, and he’s not nearly as good-looking as Brett, couldn’t he play in a wheelchair and still play better than the current line-up? Readers, let’s hear from you on the Bernie issue and his future role with the Browns.

So, here’s my review of the big game: the Cavs vs. the Bobcats.

The Cavs gave us a bit of a Halloween scare at the start of the game, but soon settled down and got to the business of beating those Bobcats.

My MVP: Delonte West, back from his bi-polar break, was extra-tall last night, scoring 13 points.

Final score: Cavs 90, Bobcats 79.
Cumulative score: Cavs 374, Opponents 362.

In closing, a shout-out to reader Jeff on his birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday Jeff!

Your comments are always well received.
Aunt Louise

Game 3: Cavaliers at the Minnesota Timberwolves
October 30, 2009

The following is my 3rd game review.

Readers, let me correct something from my last blog. Faithful reader JoeBlotto asked about Rocky Colavito. I erroneously referred to Rocky as a boxer, and believe me, I heard about it from my sister. Rocky was a baseball player, for those like Aunt Louise who may have forgotten. I should have remembered because Aunt Patty had quite the crush on him in her younger days. You see, Rocky was something of a bad boy.

So, thanks to Aunt Patty for the correction.

In a recent comment, astute reader Bob mentioned my financial expertise and that leads me to my next subject: the high rate of bankruptcy among our professional ball players. Sit down before you read this next part: after 2 years of retirement 78% of former NFL players are bankrupt; after 5 years, 60% of NBA players are bankrupt.

Now what does this tell you? Besides the fact that NBA players are smarter than NFL players; let’s face it, they take fewer blows to the head. To all the multi-million dollar professional ball players that follow this blog, I hope it tells you to get your money in a fixed annuity or trust that will pay you a reasonable monthly amount at retirement but prevents you from ever getting at the principal!

Case in point, Bernie Kosar. Yes, he recently filed for bankruptcy. So now he’s wifeless, penniless and from what I read too stupid to even know how to run his own dishwasher.

Inside sources tell me Bernie’s currently trying to get a paying gig with the Browns.  Remember you heard it here first folks.

Now, on to my review of the big game: the Cavs vs. the Timberwolves.

The best game of the season by far. So good I only switched over to Larry King once, briefly, to check on his probing interview with a bunch of ghost-busters.

My MVP of the game: Mo Williams. He played extra-tall, with 20 points, and I thought Mo as the heart-and-soul of the team last night.

Final score: Cavs 104, Wolves 87.

Total score from all (3) games played: Cavs 284, Opponents 283, so to my way of thinking we’re in 1st place and on our way to the Championship!

Your comments are always well received.
Aunt Louise

Aunt Louise’s Sports Review
Game 2: Cavaliers at the Toronto Raptors October 28, 2009

The following is my 2nd game review. Ever.

Wow, 2 days in a row; I thought they played maybe once a week.

First of all, I’m very humbled by all of your comments. Some of you actually seem to know the game better than the expert, Aunt Louise.

People, let me tell you, writing a blog is a lot more work than I thought. I had intended to review only my specialty, basketball, with particular emphasis on the Cavaliers and the LeBron/Shaq matchup. But alert reader Beth asked for my take on the first game of the World Series, with both starting pitchers former Cleveland Indians. Since I didn’t know they were still playing baseball, I’ve had to re-evaluate my entire blog history, all the way back to yesterday.

But Aunt Louise is a very flexible person, although not physically. So, I’ll be reviewing ALL of the Cleveland sports teams, zeroing in on improving the game, improving the teams, improving is my middle name. Let’s face it, it’s time someone figured out why we haven’t won a title in like a bazillion years. The so called "experts" haven’t done it, so why not Aunt Louise.

So, let us all address alert reader Beth’s question, which I will paraphrase here: why do players who appear to be BIG LOSERS on a Cleveland team become successful players immediately upon being traded to another team? Case in point: these 2 starting pitchers and, very soon, Brady Quinn. Let’s hear your comments so we can figure this out. Please ask anyone/everyone you know to chime in on this one, we’ll need all the help we can get.

I’d also like to respond to a question from faithful reader JoeBlotto: boxing has, and never will be, Aunt Louise’s cup of tea; it’s a brutal, brutal sport. So I can’t comment on your question about boxer Rocky Colavito.

Now, on to my review of the big game: the Cavs vs. the Raptors.

Young people, you’re going to learn something here that my family has known for generations: when something unpleasant happens, just sweep it under the rug and go on with your life, forever dodging and ignoring those lumps and bumps under the rug. Eventually, just get a new rug, but the big point here is to just move on with your life. That’s how Aunt Louise is going to handle last night’s game.

Final score: I’ve forgotten already.

Your comments are always well received.
Aunt Louise

Aunt Louise’s Sports Review
Season Opener: Cavs vs. Bos October 27, 2009

The following is my first game review. Ever.

Boy, that Marv Albert is a talker. I must have been watching the channel-for-the-blind, that man talked so much, like we couldn’t see for ourselves what was happening. Yikes, Marv, give it a rest; you didn’t need to keep reminding us the Cavs are “downtown"; even I knew they weren’t in Richfield anymore.

My main impression of the game: there are some very tall guys playing this game and I’m proud of each and every one of them, win or lose.

Actually I kind of missed who won or lost because I turned the sound off at the half (see Marv-yammering, above) and then I may have dozed a little, because all of the sudden Teddy-the-dog was watching Larry King (guest: the fascinating Hulk Hogan), our usual late night fare, and I couldn’t find the remote.

All the same, the tallest and best Cavs players were…drum roll…our very own LeBron James and the Shaq-o-nater. I’ll have a more in-depth analysis (with statistics!) in another review, after I actually watch a whole game.

Oh, and I checked the newspaper, the Cavs lost, but only by 6 points, a very small percentage, when you do the math. It’s almost nothing.

I’ll put this all in perspective in another review by comparing the Cavs loss to the Browns loss(es).

Your comments are always well received.
Aunt Louise